An Adult

I wrote this a little while ago but it is wroth reflecting on not only for me but also anyone who is going through the phase of minor to adult.

This is my last night as a minor. That’s a strange thought. Tomorrow we will begin an entirely new experience.

I have been wondering about this for a while but it seems all too true. The older one gets, the more set in his ways he becomes. Take for instance the spiritual life. People at Mass go up to receive communion, older folk, and are so upset for some reason. One man distributing communion while I held the paten even--had had such an incredible snarl-look on his face I don’t think that I could make it even if a I tried. Pictures of Dorian Gray’s portrait come to mind. This can’t possibly be okay. When in the spiritual life, one becomes fully aware of such an insurmountable joy that, as Brother Joseph in the book The Practice in the Presence of God says, it has to be moderated externally it is so immense. That joy is what we all strive for. I bring this up for two reasons: first, someone who I know very well to me has a tendency--and I could be mistaken--not to pray his night prayers. He stood in the Kitchen even though he said that it was too late for him to pray. We prayed in the living room, he watched in the kitchen. It is a sad tendency--I don’t call him out for calling out’s sake but rather because I pity him. Secondly, I am going to be an adult tomorrow. Me--an adult? Where has time gone? I hope at heart I can keep that heart of a child. I am passing into a new world tonight. I seem to be breaking open the doors of minorism and walking into adulthood.

I wish to lead a life worthy of being a role model for my peers, my friends, my family, my community, and most importantly my Church. I think God is most definitely calling me to the priesthood. I read in The Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska last night that He said to her: “How long shall I put up with you and how long will you keep putting me off?”(Diary, 9). Lately, I have not been living up to this pristine role model type. I only wish to redeem myself if I can with continual penance.

I wish to strive for a life worthy of sainthood. I have a long, long, long way to go. It seems like a resisting force in me is strong--the devil--who tries to pull me away from God. This gives me all the more reason to go to battle with the ancient evil one. And this battle is a battle to the death.

I wish finally to never forget God’s incredible mercy that he would send His only Son to “save us from damnation and counted among the flock of those You have chosen”(Prayers after Consecration). On the innumerable wounds on the face of Jesus I gaze and ponder of what in my life has even come close to that. Nothing. Let me suffer, but “suffer me not to be seperated from thee”(Anima Christi).

I hear the winds outside. They are about to whisk me off into a new world. It has been a wonderful time being a child. My only regret is not living it to the fullest in Christ. Goodbye my old life. Tomorrow the Phoenix will rise anew.